


The Secret

by AlwaysHaveNeverHold



Series: Aurora [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Amusement Parks, Angst and Humor, College, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, One Night Stands, Relationship(s), Secrets, Social Media, Swearing, Texting, Vines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 16:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 12,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22458874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysHaveNeverHold/pseuds/AlwaysHaveNeverHold
Summary: After discovering that he’s gay, Seonghwa has to keep this secret from his powerful and very homophobic father.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Aurora [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630090
Comments: 117
Kudos: 373





	1. Naked Twister

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Instragram @alwayshaveneverhold for special chapters, sneak peeks, polls, discussions, character profiles, and more fun stuff!

_A Few Minutes Later...._


	2. Little Pricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seonghwa continues to deny that he has feelings for Hongjoong while Mingi does some "sneaky" intel-gathering. A few blowjobs and one straight sexual encounter later, Seonghwa realizes some things.

_Later..._

_Meanwhile in Closeted Paradise..._

_Another meanwhile, but this time at Mingi's Meddling HQ...._

_9:43 PM_

_12:39 AM_

_1:08 AM_

_3:41 AM_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 cumming soon to a theater near you ;)


	3. Secret Seonghwa Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingi enlists Yunho to help him with Seonghwa. Meanwhile, Seonghwa is beginning to realize the ramifications that come with accepting his sexuality.

_Meanwhile in Closeted Paradise..._

_Meanwhile again..._

_Literally 2 seconds later...._

**From: OfficialParkSeonghwa**

**To: minki_baby, yunhoe_99**

**tinyjoongbigpeener's Story**

**From: OfficialParkSeonghwa**

**To: minki_baby, yunhoe_99**


	4. The Broken Umbrella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reality of relationships rears its ugly head. This doesn't sit well with Mingi, and causes tension in the Naked Twister group chat. Meanwhile, Hongjoong shows Seonghwa why he even likes him in the first place and basically asks him out.

_1:57 PM | Hongjoong and Seonghwa's PMs_

_1:59 PM | Naked Twister_

_2:02 PM | Hongjoong and Seonghwa's PMs_

_2:12 PM | SSS_

_6:18 PM | Rainy Usan_

_6:29 PM | Yeosang and Seonghwa's PMs_

**SannyD's Story**

**From: SingingHo**

**To: minki_baby, yunhoe_99, OfficialParkSeonghwa, GothBoyfriend, tinyjoongbigpeener**

**From: minki_baby**

**To: SingingHo, yunhoe_99, OfficialParkSeonghwa, GothBoyfriend, tinyjoongbigpeener**

**From: yunhoe_99**

**To: minki_baby, SingingHo, GothBoyfriend, OfficialParkSeonghwa, tinyjoongbigpeener**

**From: tinyjoongbigpeener**

**To: OfficialParkSeonghwa**

**From: OfficialParkSeonghwa**

**To: tinyjoongbigpeener**


	5. Ring-a-round The Rosie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooyoung and San's problems become a lot more complicated. Seonghwa is finding it harder to ignore his feelings, and not just about Hongjoong.

**OfficialParkSeonghwa's Private Story** 🔒

_9:08 AM | SSS_

_Two Days Ago | Mingi's DMs_

_2:14 PM | SSS_

_4:04 PM | Rainy Usan_

_4:26 PM | Yunho and Mingi's PMs_

_**A/N: What do you guys think Wooyoung did? Leave a comment below!** _


	6. Pocket Full of Posies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooyoung confesses what he did to Jongho and Yeosang while Seonghwa stews in his thoughts before making a decision. However, the decision he makes might complicate everything more than he would've thought.

_9:42 PM | i am trash i belong in the garbage_

__

__

__

__

_9:51 PM | tinyjoongbigpeener's Story_

_12:03 AM | Rainy Usan_

_2:18 AM | Hongjoong and Seonghwa's PMs_


	7. A Dimly Lit Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seonghwa listens to what the world is telling him to do. He takes the leap.

Seonghwa doesn’t even knock. He pushes Hongjoong’s door open with a force that the latter has never thought possible. Hongjoong takes a moment to admire him. He’s already sweating as if the thinking he had been doing minutes prior involved running around the seventh circle of hell. He’s not sure why, but he thinks that Seonghwa still looks beautiful. His hair is slightly tousled from lying down, light blue dress shirt wrinkled beyond repair. He smiles. This is what he’s been waiting for.

The moment doesn’t last long because Hongjoong latches onto him immediately, pulling him down with two hands on the back of his neck. Their lips connect in a passionate explosion of TNT and what tastes like soju on Seonghwa’s tongue. It’s happening so fast but time has stopped. The only thing that he can focus on is the way that Seonghwa is kissing him—like Hongjoong is air and he can’t breathe. He’s gasping into his mouth with desperation, small grunts leaving his lips when Hongjoong pushes him up against the wall.

Seonghwa moans when he pulls away and Hongjoong can feel the pretty sound go straight to his already hard and leaking cock. He’s grinding against him and sucking on his neck when Seonghwa suddenly says, “잠깐만—” _Wait—_

Hongjoong stops immediately, taking a step or two backward so as not to corner him. Seonghwa is out of breath, hard, and in turmoil. He can see it written on his roommate’s face. The blotchy red orbs crawling up his neck and spreading over his cheeks tell him all he needs to know. Well, that, and the fact that he’s now grabbing fistfuls of his own hair, head bent down slightly while he mutters frantically to himself.

He doesn’t know if this is a breakdown or if he’s drunk or if he’s trying to muster up courage—but Hongjoong is already impressed with the amount of courage it must have taken Seonghwa just to text him let alone come to his room. He watches him silently, heart stuttering when the older begins to cry. The tears are rushing down his face at an alarming rate and choked-back sobs spill forward in an instant. Hongjoong doesn’t know what to do. He reaches for him, then decides against it. He opens his mouth, then closes it again.

Luckily, Seonghwa explains all on his own. “난 두려워,” _I’m afraid,_ he cries. In the dim light of Hongjoong’s room, his shadow shudders on the wall like a broken flame licking at any last source of fuel. It’s heart-wrenching, devastating, but poetic nonetheless. His beautiful tear-stained face can be compared to a piece of art. Hongjoong has always loved art, but only now does he think he’s found his favorite painting.

“괜찮아,” _It’s okay,_ he whispers, going closer to him. “괜찮아.” _It’s okay._ Hongjoong places a steady hand on Seonghwa’s face. The older closes his eyes and closes his hand over the one touching his cheek. His face scrunches up as he lets out a small whimper. Hongjoong can feel him shaking; he can hear his tears hit the ground silently. “우리는 모두 두려워한다.” _We’re all afraid._

His eyes open now as he’s biting his lower lip harshly. The vulnerable gaze he gives Hongjoong pierces his chest. He reaches his thumb over to gently tug his lip from his teeth. “우리는?” _We?_

“내 머릿속의 목소리들,” _The voices in my head,_ Hongjoong whispers, getting closer to him with wide-eyes. Seonghwa huffs, a small smile spreading across his face like he’s not sure whether the shorter one is joking. Hongjoong pulls back with a smirk. “우리 말이야—게이들.” _I mean us—gays._ He wipes a few stray tears away, satisfied that Seonghwa has calmed down. “일반적으로 사람들이라고 생각하지만, 우리에겐 특히 힘든 일이다. 무서운.” _I guess people in general, but it’s especially hard for us. Scary._

He nods vigorously, his grip on Hongjoong’s hand tightening. His lips are trembling even though he’s stopped crying. Hongjoong thinks it might be for a different reason now. “어느 날 이성애자의 낙원에 있고 그 다음이, ‘와. 난 엉덩이에 남근이 좋아’,” _One day you’re in heterosexual paradise and then you’re like, ‘Wow. I like dick in my ass’,_ he continues. “‘누가 생각이나 했겠어? 내가 아니라’.” _‘Who would’ve thought? Not me’_.

Seonghwa is laughing now, his smile providing enough light to brighten a black hole. Hongjoong watches him again, moving his hands to rest on his hips. His laugh subsides pretty quickly when it registers where he’s being touched. Seonghwa swallows hard, a shaky breath escaping his lips and Hongjoong reaches up to run his thumb from his bottom lip all the way down to the base of his neck. “이것으로 드릴까?” _Do you want this?_ Hongjoong asks quietly. His eyes are boring into Seonghwa’s, who just so happens to be oozing need from his gaze. “나를 원하나?” _Do you want me?_

The older only has to nod once, and then it’s happening. Hongjoong’s fingers are fiddling with the buttons of Seonghwa’s shirt and he’s kissing him with violent love, biting his lips and coaxing a whine from him that only makes the aggressor moan in response. Once Seonghwa’s shirt is off, he’s being pushed across the room and onto the bed and Hongjoong’s tongue is down his throat and his hand is palming his erection and it takes every ounce of self-control for him not to release right then and there.

There’s something so intense in the way Hongjoong straddles him, taking the lead, taking the burden from Seonghwa’s shoulders. It’s blurry but it feels _so good_ and then it’s happening—it’s happening and Seonghwa can’t take it back. Everything that’s happened in his life has all been leading up to this. Him finding himself, his sexuality, his wants—Hongjoong. It’s all for this. He’s sure he loves him at that moment. He’s sure he would follow this man anywhere, always feeling in debt to him for showing him this beautiful new world he knew nothing of before.

That’s what scares him the most. He can’t go back, but he’s not sure that he even wants to.

**_A/N: Okay so this is really short I'm sOrRy I've never written anything close to gay smut before so I tried my best ok thank you if you're still reading this story lol ily have a great day drive fast and eat ass o7_ **


	8. Ashes! Ashes!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooyoung can't bring himself to tell San what he did. Seonghwa and Hongjoong hit yet another, quite large, bump in the road. The rest of them are stuck in the middle like children of two separate but interconnected divorces.

_6:24 AM | San and Hongjoong's PMs_

_12:43 PM | i am trash i belong in the garbage_

_7:02 PM | Naked Twister_


	9. We All Fall Down | 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party begins! And so continues the tension between Seonghwa and Hongjoong. Wooyoung musters up the courage to meet San and tell him what he did.

**From: OfficialParkSeonghwa**

**To: yunhoe_99, minki_baby**

**yunhoe_99's Story**

**SingingHo's Private Story** 🔒

**minki_baby's Story**

_5:32 PM | Naked Twister_

_6:11 PM | San and Wooyoung's PMs_

_To Be Continued..._


	10. We All Fall Down | 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooyoung tells San.

Wooyoung is so afraid. He’s pacing back and forth across the limited space available inside the men’s room. The slick marble at his feet seems to mock him, so shiny and perfect, never having done anything wrong to warrant the kind of torture he’s going through. It’s scratched and dirtied, of course, but he’s too upset to look at the details. All he knows is this: San is on his way and he has to tell him what he did.

He stops in front of one of the mirrors for a moment, steadying himself on the sink. He closes his eyes. Tears well behind them. He wills them away. “울지마 울지마 울지마…” _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…_

The floor is an intricate sight, designed by top professionals, probably. The sinks are standing on beautifully carved cedar. Between each sink is a floating stand that offers warm towels to whoever is in there. Wooyoung remembers one being taken from the sink he’s at right now. Seonghwa’s father must have used it because he passed him on his way in. But the worst of the amenities isn't the living orchid at the end of the stall hall. It’s not the crystal light fixtures or the owl sculpture, no. It’s the large, looming mirrors that seem to pour over him and devour his being—even though he isn’t looking.

And he’s so glad that his eyes are closed. It’s not that he refuses to admire the beauty of the wood-framed mirrors, but that he refuses to look at what the mirrors are showing him: a monster, a traitor, a liar; an unloved child, a bored teenager, an ignored adolescent; a sad puddle of a man, a desperate man, a trapped man, a lonely man; Jung Wooyoung.

Perhaps too invested in his own self-pity, he’s missed the exact cue he was looking for minutes before because San has already entered the bathroom. He’s already spoken and moved his arms to tighten around Wooyoung’s waist so he can hug him from behind.

“영아 오래 기다리셨어?” _Did you wait long?_

He’s forced to open his eyes now. He’s forced to stare directly into the pupils of the devil on his shoulder, in his head, and his hands. The devil that possessed his lips, his voice, his body. The devil he thought he got rid of a long time ago—long before San came along. San, beautiful without trying. San, loving and full of everything good. San, the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And he loses it.

Wooyoung cries, ugly sobs spilling forward along with his tears. He covers his eyes with both hands, evading San’s gaze at all costs. The angel steps away for a moment before shimmying between Wooyoung and the sink, placing his sacred hands on his face, removing the ones blocking his vision. He’s speaking slowly, soothingly, reaching up to gently push Wooyoung’s hair off of his forehead. He stares numbly at the necklace San is wearing. It’s a heart-shaped locket and he knows exactly what’s inside.

“나는 나쁜 짓을 했다,” _I did something bad,_ he mumbles between sobs. “우리가 싸우고 있을 때, 나는 나쁜 짓을 했어.” _When we were fighting, I did something bad._

The concerned expression on San’s face fades as he lets his hands fall away from Wooyoung. When the latter steps back with shaking shoulders, San doesn’t follow him. This is the part Wooyoung was so afraid of: the initial reaction. It hasn’t even happened yet, but something in his boyfriend’s eyes says _I knew it._ San must have been afraid of this moment. Everyone is.

“뭐 했어?” _What did you do?_ his voice is barely above a whisper, thin and brittle as if he’s already preparing for what Wooyoung is going to say. It’s written in the way his lips tighten against each other and the regret bubbling just below his irises. Wooyoung can see it and he hates himself a little more when he does.

He stops squinting his eyes shut even though he knows how ugly and red and blotchy his skin must look, letting his gaze wander to the floor. “음—내가 할 수 있었던 최악의 일.” _Like, the worst possible thing I could’ve done._

San’s regret bubbles over in the form of meek tears that stream down his face slowly, so slowly that Wooyoung can’t help but watch them in agony. He doesn’t say anything. For the longest time, he’s completely silent. Nothing about his reaction has changed—he’s stone, slowly splitting. Cracked stone usually breaks, though.

“아냐,” _No,_ he says finally. His eyes narrow as he studies him, almost like he’s trying to figure out just who this person is in front of him. “넌 안 그랬어. 그럴 리 없어.” _You didn’t. You wouldn’t._

Wooyoung finds composure somewhere inside of him, because he suddenly musters up the courage to look San directly in the eye, expressionless, and say, “했어.” _I did._

Almost as if this is a challenge, San inhales deeply. His face is hard and unforgiving, frozen tears dripping from his chin to the floor below. He must be preparing to say it, because his fists are balled up and he’s beginning to shake. Wooyoung doesn’t know if he’s seething from anger, wrought with grief, or a little of both. This will have to be the hardest part, he thinks. Nobody has said it before. Not even Wooyoung himself has come right out and said exactly what he did. He’s implied it. Yeosang and Jongho understood. But even still, no one has actually said it.

“섹스했어?” _You had sex?_

Wooyoung’s composure crumbles. His face is quick to contort into that of pain as he wails, “어.” _Yeah._

His cries echo and bounce off the walls around them, no doubt carrying to the small hallway just outside. San is seemingly unaffected by this, as he only continues to stare at him. “취했었어?” _Were you drunk?_

“아니,” _No,_ he weeps, sinking to the cold marble.

“마약 먹었어?” _Were you high?_

Wooyoung holds nothing back, almost screaming as he touches his forehead to the stone. “아니!” _No!_

San’s black dress shoes are right in front of him. He feels around for them with one of his hands where he’s still bent over on the floor, almost like he’s bowing to him. Maybe he is. Maybe he’s so overcome with guilt and remorse that he feels the only consolation he can give San is his respect. However, it’s too late for that. Wooyoung threw respect out of the window when he fell into bed with another man. He threw respect out of the window when he delayed telling his boyfriend. He threw respect out of the window when he lied to his face and said that nothing happened.

It’s eerily silent save for Wooyoung’s loud, horrid sobs that can be heard from outside—he knows that for sure. There’s nothing he can do to take back what he’s done, but a glimmer of hope still exists that says San will forgive him. Reality says that nothing will ever be the same. He’s not sure which side of himself to listen to. Hope or reality. The fact that those two are opposite in this case just highlights how significantly he fucked up. There’s no fixing this. There’s no building a house from ashes.

“뭐 생각했어?!” _What were you thinking?!_ San shrieks.

He kicks Wooyoung’s hand away and it hurts, but nothing is worse than the crushing knowledge that he’s changed San forever. Even if he gets over this, he’ll never be able to go into a relationship without this fear looming over him. Wooyoung has done that. Wooyoung has single-handedly altered the way San will approach relationships. This is what makes him hate himself the most.

“나도 몰라!” _I don’t know!_

San is crying now, too. He was crying before, but now he’s _crying_. One of his hands is covering his mouth as he grips the sink behind him with his other and folds into himself. The sound of their grief, regret, guilt, and misery is much like a shattered orchestra. None of the instruments are in tune and they’re all playing a different song at the same time. It’s unlike anything Wooyoung has ever experienced. He’s dated boys before, but he’s never fallen so hard. He’s never had such a passionate flame—but now he realizes that it’s better not to have one at all. Flames die, eventually. Fire flickers and then it turns to smoke; gone.

The heavy exhales that San forces from his lips so he can breathe only intensify the warm fog settling over the bathroom. Wooyoung’s collar is beginning to feel abnormally tight and he squeezes his eyes shut to try and calm down. He breathes in for five seconds, holds for five seconds, and breathes out for five seconds. The marble feels warm on his forehead now, but he doesn’t dare move.

San groans as he straightens his back and looks up at the ceiling. “나는 바람피운 사람과 함께 있을 수 없어.” _I can’t be with someone who cheated on me._ It’s as if he’s talking to himself with the way he whispers this, almost like he’s having an internal argument. Wooyoung shouldn’t feel hopeful, but he does. He wants San to do whatever he wants—hit him, kick him, curse him—and then take him back.

Even though Wooyoung knows in his heart that he and San aren’t right for each other, even though he knows that he’s not ready to settle down, even though he knows he doesn’t have the capacity to give San everything he wants, needs, and deserves—he’s allowing himself to be selfish right now. He wants what he wants; he wants San.

“이 멍청한 년아,” _You stupid bitch,_ San breathes before running one hand over his face.

When Wooyoung finally sits back on his heels and faces the disaster he’s created, he’s surprised to find San sitting against the wall beneath the sink. One knee is pulled to his chest while the other leg is flat on the floor. He’s staring up at something Wooyoung can’t see. His eyes are bloodshot, puffy, and tired. There aren’t anymore tears on his face, but he can see the red streaks from where they had fallen minutes prior. He’s afraid. What if San has no tears left for him? No love left for him?

And then San looks at him. He stares right at him and then Wooyoung knows for sure. There is nothing but remorse in his eyes. The love has been flushed from him; only disdain remains. Apathetic disdain. It’s the worst. At least if San hated him, Wooyoung could hold onto that last string of hope. Because if San hated him, that would mean that he still felt something. Of course, he feels something, but clearly not enough to fight for their love.

Now he’s starting to question whether it was really love at all.

San’s eyes shift away and suddenly he’s standing up. He dabs at his eyes with the back of his hand, inhaling deeply before looking down on Wooyoung, pathetic and groveling. “이거 끝났다.” _This is over._

That’s all he leaves him with. Wooyoung doesn’t watch him go, he just waits for the door to swing shut before he hunches over again to sob and cry and shriek and scream and weep. He can do it now knowing that nobody will dare enter his grieving space, scared off by the noises. The thought crosses his mind that someone might tell security or his boss or a coworker might come looking for him, but minutes pass. Then an hour passes. Nobody comes to his rescue. Nobody comes to save Wooyoung from himself. San is gone and he’s not coming back. As Yeosang said, he did this to himself.

He did this to himself.

_**A/N: Everyone and their mother probably hates me rn but it rly do be like that sometimes lol thank you to everyone that's reading this! I hope you're all liking it <3** _


	11. We All Fall Down | 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During dinner, Seonghwa sees the side of Bohyun that he always knew was there and wonders if he, too, acts that way without realizing it. After his father makes an offensive comment, he has an outburst and it changes everything.

Voices are muffled around Seonghwa as he stares blankly at the centerpiece in the middle of the round table. It’s a rounded glass vase holding a large lit candle inside. Fairy lights are around the brim and he wonders how they’re able to stay there without any visible tape or adhesive. The white table cloth is most certainly cotton, as he’s pulling at it with his hands in his lap and the tightly woven softness calls to the sophisticated side of him raised on silk.

His father is on his right, jovial and boisterous laughter leaving his beer gut whenever one of the many business partners at the table makes a pompous joke. Directly next to him is Bohyun, who’s feigning interest and engagement in the conversations. Her face is full and jolly to match her curvaceous figure that makes her long light pink dress appear just tight enough for it to be flattering. If San was straight or bisexual, maybe, Seonghwa thinks he would like a girl like Bohyun.

Like a stealth bomber, Haebi suddenly appears beside her with a water pitcher. Her waitress uniform does not do justice to her unique looks. She’s somewhat thin, just enough to pull off the white button-up and black slacks. The black vest, however, would not look good on anyone. And it doesn’t. Not even on Hongjoong, who Seonghwa spotted texting earlier by the kitchen entrance. After his phone was taken by his father, Seonghwa stole it back for a minute or two while he was in the bathroom; now it’s back in his father’s bag. He wants nothing more than to text until the night is over, but life is not so kind.

After filling Bohyun’s water glass, Haebi smiles, bends down slightly, and asks, “와인 좀 더 드릴까요?” _Can I get you some more wine?_

Bohyun ignores her, smiling at her father and saying something bigot-y. Haebi clears her throat something small and opens her mouth to ask again, Bohyun hisses, “아냐!” _No!_ without even looking directly at her. “주제 파악 좀 해라.” _Know your place._

As if being treated like human trash all night hasn’t completely beaten down her will to live, Haebi straightens, focusing her eyes on the far wall at the back of the ballroom. She inhales slowly and Seonghwa knows that she’s letting Jesus hold her back right now. From what, he’s not sure. Crying? Maybe. Clocking her? Maybe. She must feel his eyes on her because her gaze shifts to his. He holds her stare, smiling a bit when she gives him a small shrug and turns around to walk briskly to the kitchen. He already knows that every server in the back will hear about “that bitch at Seonghwa’s table”.

From scanning the room, he can see Yunho looking like he’s seen a ghost where he sits with his company and fellow trainees. This is alarming to Seonghwa, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it before San storms out of the side hallway that leads to the restrooms. His eyes are red and blotchy and Hongjoong tries to stop him at the kitchen entrance, but San shakes him off violently before exiting the area. _What the hell is going on?_

He’s been blocking his father’s ignorant comments all night, but for some reason, this particular one pierces right through his ears and into his head where an ice-pick headache sets in. It’s almost too much to process in such a short amount of time.

“히틀러는 올바른 생각을 가지고 있었습니다,” _Hitler had the right idea,_ he pitches with a laugh, raising his glass of wine at a colleague at the opposite end of the table. “그는 단지 잘못된 사람들을 목표로 하고 있었습니다.” _He was just targeting the wrong people._

Seonghwa doesn’t even know what he’s talking about or where he’s going with this, but a wave of deep-seeded anger crests and breaks within his gut immediately. It’s been stewing for twenty-one years and he has a feeling that whatever his father says next is going to make him explode. Every second he waits for him to go on is agonizing. He wants to rip him to shreds. He wants to beat him and make him bleed just as he had done to Seonghwa for so long when he spoke out of turn or said something his father didn’t like.

The anger seemingly comes out of nowhere, because it’s just another dumb string of meaningless and empty words from the world’s biggest bullshitter. So why is he so mad? Why is he feeling so violent? Why does he want him dead?

His father smirks, leaning forward to place his elbows on the table. “솔직히 유태인은 잊어버리세요,” _Honestly, forget the jews,_ he says. “우리가 제거해야 할 게이들이에요.” _It’s the gays we need to get rid of._

Murmurs of agreement ripple around the table and Seonghwa feels his heart go _thump_ as it falls right into his stomach. Bohyun tenses beside him. He’s almost there. He’s so close—he’s so close to doing something or saying something. His eyes are burning, but not with tears. They’re burning, with what he doesn’t know, but they sting. His father continues talking and Seonghwa is almost at his breaking point. He’s completely shut out his best friend because he’s in love with him and Yunho looks terrified at his table and San is clearly upset and his father is the biggest piece of shit in this room and—

“아빠 외아들이 게이라면요?” _What if your only son is gay?_

The entire table goes silent. Every gaze is fixed on him. Bohyun kicks him under the table, but he just grits his teeth and says nothing to her. He sounds just as angry as he is, but his voice is clear and firm and defiant. His eyes are glued to his father, who isn’t looking at him. He’s stopped about mid-way raising his wine glass to his lips. Any trace of amusement drains from his face as he sets the glass down slowly. His head turns slightly in Seonghwa’s direction like he’s trying to make sure he heard him correctly.

“제가 게이라면요?” _What if I’m gay?_ he reiterates, quieter this time, but no less intense. “그럼 내가 죽어야 하나요?” _Should I die, then?_

His father stares directly at him now. His eyes are harshly vacant. There’s nothing warm there. There’s no love there. There’s nothing human there. Nobody is home. Nobody has been home for as long as Seonghwa can remember. It’s only now that his moment of courage wears off. Reality is setting in. He just came out to his father and all of his business partners in probably one of the worst ways possible. He’s not sure there was ever going to be a best way, though.

He leans over and smiles. It’s not a nice smile. “내가 그것에 대해 걱정할 필요가 없는 것은 다행이다.” _It’s fortunate that I don’t have to worry about that._

Seonghwa is trembling now. The little boy inside of him that’s beaten down and afraid has taken over. But he knows he can’t back down. Not now, not when he’s come so far in standing up for himself. He silences his inner fear and sputters, “그게—그게 확실한 거예요?” _Are you—are you sure about that?_

His father suddenly leans back to sit normally in his chair. It’s almost scary how quickly he breaks into laughter, saying, “우리 아들은 정말 코미디언이에요!” _My son is such a comedian!_

One by one, the businessmen begin to chuckle as well, seemingly relieved that Seonghwa was only joking. But he wasn’t, and his father knows that. He knows that his father knows from the way his foot taps furiously on the ground despite his wide smile. His hands are balled into fists and it only takes a few minutes of corporate jokes and laughter for his father to lean over and whisper at him to meet him outside.

He pinches him discreetly as he stands up and makes an excuse before walking out. Seonghwa might as well be possessed as he, too, rises and follows his father. As he’s leaving, he passes Haebi, who’s staring up at him with wide eyes like she heard the whole thing. He averts his gaze to the floor, once again subdued. Always submissive to his father. Always the perfect trophy son. Always a corporate heir—never Seonghwa.

_**A/N: Howdy y'all. Should I open an Instagram page for my books? This book is only the first installment in one of my many multiverse books! It's a series based on the Ateez Treasure Theory and every character has a natal chart and I use astrology to determine their behavior and relationships! Even in this book that's the case! Multiple universes and astrology, anyone? <_< >_> ANyway. Let me know what you think in the comments! Don't be afraid to comment, even if it's something completely irrelevant like "Lollipops are pretty tasty to me and I eat them sometimes" I accept all comments thank you i lOve you bye** _


	12. We All Fall Down | 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At his table, Yunho is met with an unexpected comment that makes him realize all of the fucked up shit going on around him. It also occurs to him that the man he loves has put unknowingly put him in a pretty tight spot.

Yunho is enjoying himself. He finds that his lips at tugged into a permanent smile as he observes the CEO of his company conversing with some higher-ups and partners. The other trainees at the table are silent and looking just as happy as he is. Well, except for Shihwan, that is. The soft-featured boy is staring him down, a sort of blood-thirsty glint in his eyes. Despite this, he’s often compared to Baekhyun from Exo by the other trainees and staff.

Almost smirking, Yunho holds his gaze. He _lives_ for this type of confrontation. Many before this kid have gone up against him and they have all failed. This is a tough industry. Sink or swim; eat or be eaten, and Yunho is almost so full he might explode. It’s taken many morally-questionable acts for him to be at this table, but he feels he had no choice. That’s how it is. It’s not about who’s the most talented, because even if you are, that doesn’t mean you’ll debut. That doesn’t mean you _want_ it enough—but Yunho definitely wants it. He’ll do just about anything to get it.

Momentarily, his attention is stolen by a girl with obnoxiously bright pink hair. The color is so saturated and solid that he has to stop for a minute to admire the work, time, and money it took to achieve that. When she turns around, he recognizes her immediately. Especially from the knowing look that Jongho gives her while she’s filling his wine glass, Yunho knows that’s Iseul. He met her once at a party a while back. Jongho invited her since they were friends in high school. It’s weird to see one friend serving another; unbalanced.

“오모. 박성화 봤어? 너무 잘생겼다…” _OMG. Did you see Seonghwa? He’s so hot…_

The voice he hears as if it’s right next to him comes from the table to his left where two servers are preparing a wine cart. He turns his head slightly, as hearing his friend’s name has piqued his interest. He’s not sure who’s talking, but he knows who’s listening. The other waitress scoffs and the first one goes, “홍중이는 주위에서 너무나 자의식을 느끼고 있을 것이다.” _Hongjoong must feel so self-conscious around him._

Yunho furrows his eyebrows, offended by the comment. There’s no other way she could have meant that—it was clearly a jab at his looks. He’s about to turn around and say something, but to his surprise, the other waitress goes, “왜?” _Why?_ He recognizes her voice and a small blossom of satisfaction grows in his chest from how angry she sounds.

“분명하지 않은가? 그는 못생겼어.” _Isn’t it obvious? He’s ugly._

“야,” _Hey,_ Haebi is quick to bite back and he can hear her seething. She pauses, though, and he wonders if she’s holding back because they’re at work. “완전히 장님인 것은 끔찍할 것이다.” _Being completely blind must be terrible._ Yunho’s eyes widen as he anticipates the punch-line. “만약 내가 시각적 천재를 볼 수 없다면, 나는 그것에 대해 아무것도 모르기 때문에 그냥 입을 다물었을 것이다.” _If I couldn’t see visual genius, I would just shut up because I wouldn’t know anything about it._

He finds himself balling one hand into a fist and whispering, “나이스,” _Nice,_ to himself.

A few seats away, the CEO is watching him silently. The old man tilts his head, his glasses twinkling with candlelight. Yunho wonders if he’ll ever live to see a female in his position. “윤호야 행복해 보인다.” _Yunho, you look happy._

“왜 행복해요? 남친 여깄어요?” _Why? Is your boyfriend here?_ Shihwan’s tongue is dripping with venom as are his eyes, wide and satisfied with himself. The way he says it gives away his thirst to bring Yunho down.

Yunho slightly chokes on the water he’s in the middle of drinking. He’s been expecting him to say something for quite a while, just not that. Anything but that. _How did he know?_ A furious blush crawls up the back of his neck as he swallows the liquid, forces a chuckle, and says the first thing that comes to his mind. “남친? 넌 말도 안돼요.” _Boyfriend? You’re ridiculous._

“아 그러나?” _Oh, really?_ Shihwan scrunches up his face and looks up at the ceiling like he’s trying to remember something. Yunho isn’t afraid. “이 친구는 이름이 뭐했어….송민기예요?” _What was his name…Mingi?_ His head snaps down once more so he can give Yunho a diabolically victorious stare. “맞죠. 송민기예요.” _That’s right. Song Mingi._

Every color drains from Yunho’s face as he stares back at him. Any thoughts have ceased flowing through his mind. There is only a faint buzzing sound passing through his ears and his head feeling large, getting bigger, getting bigger, and he thinks he’s gonna implode. The room becomes hotter by the second and Yunho can barely breathe. The CEO and his manager and the corporate staff are listening to them. They’re all silent, too. Everyone is looking at him and some are confused and some are disgusted.

He’s never felt so wrong in his life.

“아니—아니요,” _No—no,_ he stutters, trying to make it sound as if he’s not hyperventilating.

His hands are fidgeting endlessly in his lap and he’s not really sure what to do. He laughs, but there are already beads of sweat rolling down his forehead and he wipes them away but most of all, he’s wondering why nobody is talking. It seems like ten minutes of complete silence and staring have gone by. fear is beginning to set in and he’s realizing that time must have stopped.

The CEO, so old and frail, will most definitely not take this well. His manager, still youthful despite nearing middle-age, will be so disappointed. He’ll no doubt be kicked out. And then what does he do? He’ll be blacklisted at every company. He’ll never debut. He’ll never achieve his dream. An unrecognizable burning sensation sears his chest and he clutches it to make sure he’s not on fire. It’s unimaginable pain, but he can’t make a sound. It’s almost like sleep paralysis, but he’s awake.

Suddenly, things begin to move again. Too fast, perhaps. San whizzes past his table and smacks Hongjoong’s hand away when he tries to reach out for him by the kitchen entrance. Seonghwa is standing up and following his father with a terrified expression. Haebi is standing beside Seonghwa’s “girlfriend” and there’s almost no color to either girls’ face while she stares worriedly at his back as he’s leaving. Iseul is standing next to Hongjoong, eyebrows furrowed as she scans the room and Yunho knows that everybody is thinking the same thing: _What the hell is going on?_

Beside him, Yunho’s manager laughs boisterously and pats his back. “아 그것은 소문일 뿐이다,” _That’s just a rumor,_ he says with a smile. “시환아 아무 것도 펼치지마.” _Don’t spread anything, Shihwan._

“그가 직접 말해줬어요—” _He told me himself_ —

“이제 됐어.” _That’s enough._ His manager is now staring the young trainee down with intense eyes.

Across the table, some of the executives are whispering amongst themselves. The CEO is gazing directly at Yunho. He doesn’t look angry, but Yunho is still afraid. He’s shaking and laughing and trying to play off the whole thing as a joke told by rival trainees. Everybody knows that’s not true, though. Everyone at the table can see in his eyes, his actions, and his words—Yunho has a boyfriend. Shihwan, as low as it is, has told the truth.

While everyone is having their own private conversations, the CEO stands and walks over to Yunho’s chair. He places a warm hand on his shoulder and says with a kind smile, “산책하러 가자.” _Let’s go for a walk._

_**A/N: howdy y’all dw this is the last super angsty chapter and then we back to texts** 😘🤙_


	13. Caller ID: John Cena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the party, everyone is trying to figure out just what the fuck happened. An unlikely character becomes a big help.

_9:43 AM | Naked Twister_

_10:05 AM | Yunho and Mingi's PMs_

_12:32 PM | Haebi and Hongjoong's PMs_

_**A/N: OKAY YALL even though only one person said I should, I set up the instagram anyway LOL so if you want to participate in polls, see sneak peeks, SPECIAL CHAPTERS, character information, and spoilers about the multiverse series, go follow me! @alwayshaveneverhold :DDDD** _


	14. Therapist Yeosang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seonghwa is still missing. San and Wooyoung make amends. Hongjoong is given the idea to consult a friend for an unlikely solution.

_1:58 PM | get over yourselves_

_2:24 PM | Iseul and Haebi's PMs_

_3:24 PM | Naked Twister_

_6:02 PM | San and Hongjoong's PMs_


	15. Author Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter rip

Yeet skeet what's up smurfs. 

For those of you that actually read this, I love you. For those of you who skip this but still read the book, I still love you. All of my supporters get a lot of love from me uwu

ANYWAY got some important SHIT TO SAY.

NUMERO UNO: I have a major case of writer's block today so much sorry

NUMERO DOS: I've said this before, but this book is the FIRST INSTALLMENT in a series of MULTIVERSE BOOKS YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! *crowd cheering*

Thank you, thank you. Hold the applause. 

sO if you're like "hey a multiverse series sounds pretty dope" and you like this story and want to follow the other books, follow me on instagram aight @alwayshaveneverhold AND I KNOW IVE SAID IT A LOT BUT I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH: SOME RLY COOL SHIT IS GONNA BE ON THERE! Plus I want to hear your opinions and get some feedback as well as involve you guys in the books themselves!

So ye if you've read this far, thank thank :)))) 

If I suddenly become unblocked tonight, expect a chappy. It could happen. Goodbye forever *wink wonk* 


	16. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongjoong asks Haebi about her dreams.

Hongjoong is squinting his eyes under the brightness as he stands in front of the amusement park’s cast house. The heat of the blue sky is enough to send beads of sweat rolling down his face. He dabs at them with the back of his hand, sighing while he watches some of his lesser-known coworkers enter and exit the building behind him. It’s really just his luck that Haebi didn’t work today. If she had, he would just leave with her when their shift ended. They usually align, anyway.

What bothers him more is that when he asked his manager if he’d heard from Seonghwa, the old and balding man replied that he’d sent in his two-week notice via email this morning. It gave him a sense of relief because that means he’s not dead—but it also makes his stomach whirl with unease because that means Seonghwa can contact people, he’s just choosing not to. It’s slowly pissing him off, but there’s nothing he can do. He’s powerless. It kills him.

While these thoughts are filtering through his mind along with more heat, Haebi pulls up in her twenty-year-old Hyundai. It’s a sparkly but fading red SUV—perfect for a domestic person like her. Hongjoong doesn’t think he would be caught dead owning this kind of vehicle.

He gets in, greeting her with a gruff hum. Haebi smiles, her highlighted hair twisted up into a messy bun, and shifts into drive while saying, “오모. 며칠 전에 산이랑 그 카페이를 열었는데 아이돌처럼 생긴 남자는 들어왔어!” _OMG_. _I opened the cafe with San a few days ago and this guy came in who looked like an idol!_ She pulls out of the small round-a-bout and into the customer parking lot as she continues her story. Hongjoong is only half-listening, more focused on how he’s going to bring up her dreams in relation to Seonghwa. “그는 마스크와 귀걸이, 그리고 모든 것을 가지고 있었다—그리고 그는 술을 들고 자리에 앉자 가면을 벗었다. 그는 정말 잘생겼었어! 나랑 산이랑 연습생이나 뭐 그런 걸 만난 게 확실해.” _He had a face mask and drop-earrings and everything—and when he sat down with his drink, he took his mask off. He was so handsome! We’re convinced we met a trainee or something._

“아 그래?” _Yeah?_ he says absentmindedly, though with a somewhat bitter tone. “너 관람차에도 연습생들을 볼 수 있었다. 윤호, 심지어…그는 연습생이다. 아니면 그랬다…” _You could see trainees at the ferris wheel, too. Yunho, even…he_ is _a trainee. Or was…_

Haebi openly pouts. “나는 항상 관람차에서 일한다,” _I always work at the ferris wheel,_ she mumbles.

Suddenly interested, he turns his head toward her and furrows his eyebrows with rage. “왜? 안 좋아?” _What? You don’t like it?_

“아냐 아냐—그냥 가끔 역들을 바꾸는 것은 좋은 일이다.” _No, no—it’s just nice to change stations sometimes._ Hongjoong doesn’t say anything. He’s aware that she doesn’t get along with Yeosang much, but he’d like to think that the fact that they’ve been best friends since freshman year of high school and have a close sibling-like bond would make her more keen to work with him. “왜?” _Why?_ she asks suddenly, something teasing in her voice. “나 보고 싶었어?” _Did you miss me?_

Hongjoong scoffs, a smirk of disbelief tugging at his lips as he leans on the window. “설마.” _As if._

“그럼 왜 짜니?” _Then why are you salty?_

“난 짜지 않아!” _I’m not salty!_ he stresses, unfolding one arm from where they’ve been crossed over his chest. “그냥 그 단지 공원은 밤에 위험해질 수 있다.” _It’s just that the park can get dangerous at night._

Haebi rolls her eyes, then slams on the breaks as a beat-up Honda Civic almost cuts her off as she merges onto the freeway. “Idiot,” she seethes before sighing. “나는 카페에서 아침만 일한다.” _I only work mornings at the cafe._

“그래서?” _So?_ He shifts in his seat, eyeing her with guarded curiosity. He’s hasn’t forgotten about the dreams; they sit right on the back of his tongue. “뭐든지 발생할 수 있다. 넌 작다.” _Anything can happen. You’re small._

She bursts out laughing while getting into the carpool lane. “너도 작잖아!” _You’re small too!_

“너보다 더 커!!” _Bigger than you!_

“우리는 같은 높이…” _Same height…_

Hongjoong changes the radio station from its 90s kpop channel to an indie one. He doesn’t realize he’s been tense until his muscles release the stress as soft acoustic guitar fills his ears. Now he’s staring at the open road before them, unfazed by the rolling hills around them and the unrivaled beauty of the pine trees dotting the landscape. He’s seen them enough times to be able to point them all out with a blindfold on.

He has to be careful about how he approaches this. Haebi is extremely touchy about her dreams. She’s only mentioned them in passing and she won’t let just anyone in on what goes on. Hongjoong isn’t even too informed on what they are, exactly, but he knows that Seonghwa appears in them. For some reason, he always pictures northern lights when she talks about them.

“꿈속에서 박성화 모습이 보인다, 그치?” _You see Seonghwa in your dreams, right?_ So much for careful. He’s never been good at tiptoeing around people or being particularly tactful. It’s especially irritating to him right now because Haebi seems to have clammed up.

She’s quiet, any trace of playfulness gone from her aura and her face. Her thin hands seem to clutch the steering wheel tighter, tighter, tighter until her knuckles turn white. From the way her eyes move restlessly, on the road one moment and on her steering wheel the next and on her rearview mirror after that—he knows she’s debating whether or not to say anything. He also knows her like the back of his hand, so remembering that assuages his worry.

Haebi may be hesitant, but she’s not stupid. She knows that Seonghwa is missing. She knows he quit. She knows his father isn’t a nice guy. She knows he himself has a lot of pent-up anger and resentment. Some might even say that Seonghwa is a ticking time bomb, but Hongjoong thinks he’s just misunderstood. Haebi has agreed with him on this before.

Suddenly, she says, “어. 왜?” _Yeah. Why?_ Her voice is quiet and serious and it’s so rare for him to see her in such a state.

“바보같이 들릴지 모르지만,” _This might sound stupid, but,_ he continues, moving his hands around like it’s not a big deal. Part of him wants her to relax. The rest of him is so curious he might die. “우리는 어쩌면 넌 꿈에서 뭔가를 봤을 수도 있고, 그가 어디에 있는지 우리에게 단서를 줄 수 있는 무언가를 찾을 수도 있다고 생각하고 있어.” _We were thinking that maybe you saw something in a dream or you can look for something that might give us a clue as to where he is._

She grows silent again, her expression hardening into something grim. Her eyes are now focused completely on the road before her, but it’s almost as if she’s not really seeing it—like her mind is somewhere else. Hongjoong purses his lips. It’s not like him to experience anxiety like this, but it’s pulsing off of her in waves. She’s always talking about energy and the universe; he’s beginning to see what she means.

“그는 더 이상 거기에 없다.” _I stopped seeing him._ Her voice is barely above a whisper, but it hits him like broken glass.

He’s not sure why he’s so affected by these words, but he almost grimaces in pain from the sudden onset headache that accompanies them. “무슨 말이야?” _What do you mean?_

“몰라,” _I don’t know,_ she replies at a normal tone, reaching one hand up to run it through her hair only to remember that it’s tied up. She slams her hand back down on the steering wheel, worry overtaking her features. “그는—성화는 사라졌다. 설명하기 어렵다.” _He—he disappeared. It’s hard to explain._ A frustrated huff escapes her lips and she presses them together before saying, “어쨌든 넌 이해 못 할 거야.” _You wouldn’t understand anyway._

“사라졌다고?” _Disappeared?_ He can feel himself becoming more hysterical with each cryptic thing she says. She’s speaking another language, one he thinks he should know, one he desperately wants to understand—but he can’t.

Haebi shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. When she opens them, she realizes she drifted half-way into the next lane and quickly corrects herself. “아니 그냥—뭔가 잘못됐어. 내가 거기서 누군가를 만나는 것을 멈출 때마다, 뭔가 잘못된 거야.” _No, just—something’s wrong. Whenever I stop seeing someone there, something’s wrong._ The way the sun is beating down on them is almost mocking in a way. The tension and fear seeping into his bones couldn’t be more drastically different from the way the trees might as well be singing beneath the sunshine. Yet, here he is sitting next to sunshine itself and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so afraid. “우영은 파티 일주일 전에 사라졌고 산에 바람을 피웠어—” _Wooyoung disappeared a week before the party and then he cheated on San—_

“우영이도?! 잠깐—이제 이걸 나한테 설명해야 해.” _Wooyoung too?! Wait—now you have to explain this to me._

“어떻게 하는지 모르겠다,” _I don’t know how,_ she almost yells—almost. The stress in her tone is palpable, but Hongjoong can’t be rational right now. He’s confused and afraid and he’s not sure what she means when she says that something’s wrong.

Hongjoong doesn’t want to shout at her—it’s not her fault that Seonghwa pushed him away and won’t talk to anyone. He doesn’t want to take anything out on the one friend that’s stayed by his side for this long, but he loses his self-control for a moment—because this is _Seonghwa_ on the line. “그럼 내가 도대체어떻게 그를 도와야 하는 거야?!” _Then how the hell am I supposed to help him?!_

Instead of growing quiet as he expects, she shouts back, “나도 몰라!” _I don’t know!_ The car settles into tense silence that’s such a contrast to the calming music coming from the radio. Slight guilt tugs at his heart, but he won’t apologize. Very rarely does he choose to give a piece of himself away like that. His apologies are reserved. “하지만 곧 그를 찾아야 해.” _But we need to find him soon._

“그치,” _Right,_ he agrees quietly, resting his elbow on the door handle and staring out into the wilderness. “하지만 어떻게…” _But how…_

“어림도 요즘 하지만, 내가 도와줄 수 있는 사람을 알고 있는 것 같아.” _It’s a long shot, but I think I know someone that can help._


	17. Sorry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seonghwa finally speaks up. Hongjoong and Haebi rear up to kick some ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy Y'all--I changed the name of the book lol. This is primarily because the previous title was more to get people's attention. However, after contemplating what I really want for this series, I decided to give it a more fitting name.  
> ALSO I WILL BE POSTING CHARACTER PROFILES OVER ON MY INSTAGRAM VERY SOON SO IF YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THESE MULTIVERSE FUCKASSES THEN GO ON OVER YALL @alwayshaveneverhold

_9:17 AM | Naked Twister_

_11:33 AM | Dr. Kang and Haebi's PMs_

_12:50 PM | Hongjoong and Seonghwa's PMs_

_1:26 PM | Haebi and Hongjoong's PMs_


	18. The Bleeding Hills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haebi and Hongjoong drive to Jinju to see what the FUCK SEONGHWA'S PROBLEM IS.

The sun is just sinking behind the green hills surrounding Jinju. There’s a foreboding fog hanging above the trees around them. Hongjoong’s chin is touching his chest as he’s napping in his seat. His arms are crossed and his lips slightly parted. Haebi isn’t paying attention to him—she’s much too focused on what could possibly be at the house. They’re almost there and any stars in the sky are either hiding or deciding not to shine tonight. She’s tapping her fingers on the steering wheel nervously. Seonghwa hasn’t done anything like this before. Not that she’s seen.

Part of her wishes that he could just stand up to his father or leave. It’s hard to walk away from all that money, sure, but Seonghwa is so unhappy the way things are. She wishes he could muster up the strength to seek something better for himself. It sends a melancholic breeze through the car that has no windows cracked. It could also be the soft indie music coming from the radio. Either way, her eyes are fixed on the road and she’s praying that nothing too drastic is happening.

The estate is visible from a few miles away. It sits on top of a hill, flanked by other houses that aren’t quite as large. While they take the steep and winding roads to the house, Haebi pushes Hongjoong’s shoulder with just enough force to knock him out of his sleep. “일어나. 왔다.” _Wake up. We’re here._

“음?” _Hm?_ Hongjoong inhales deeply as he stretches his arms outward, almost hitting her in the face. He grumbles a few times before sitting up straight and blinking his eyes a few times. “난 자고 있지 않았다—그냥 생각하고 있었어.” _I wasn’t sleeping—I was just thinking._

She only shakes her head, lacking the capacity to be amused by him right now. The gates are armed with two security guards with the whole get-up. Black vests, guns on their belts—enough to make her swallow any confidence she had before.

For a moment, she fights the urge to make an immediate, dangerous, sporadic u-turn. The fleeting sun is just behind them; if she chases it, maybe she can go back to the days when things were simple. As children, things were different for them all, but there was a sense of jovial innocence that dominated their lives and made them feel as though everything was possible. They were still broken, still fragile, still healing—but they had the cushion of youth. Now, though they’re still young, life moves too fast and the expectations put on them are suffocating. Just watching Seonghwa spiral into this darkness has been enough to make her really want to go back, but where does she go back to?

Hongjoong flicks her arm and only then does Haebi realize that she’s completely stopped the car in the middle of the road before the turn-in for Seonghwa’s house. “뭐해?” _What are you doing?_

“미안.” _Sorry._ She inhales sharply and presses the gas pedal so she can turn left into the gate area of the estate.

The security guards are straight-faced, unwavering; they both have bulging muscles, though one is bigger than the other, and the bigger man has his hand on his holster as if Haebi and Hongjoong are two seedy-looking teenagers that just got out of juvie. As they near the men, Hongjoong is eyeing them defiantly. His arms are still crossed, narrowed sight focused in on them.

“나는 그들이 아침식사로 못을 먹는다고 확신한다,” _I bet they eat nails for breakfast,_ he mutters.

Haebi nods at him, glaring playfully while she says, “우유도 없이.” _Without any milk._

The two of them laugh for a split second before Haebi is forced to roll down her window. The smaller man leans down to put his face almost directly in front of hers. His eyes scream something about a little-man’s complex, much like the one Hongjoong has, but with a sinister edge to it. Not sinister like he’s going to murder them, but sinister like he probably can’t keep a stable relationship because of his self-esteem.

He breathes in heavily before saying in a small voice that reminds her of a snake from the Harry Potter movies, “무슨 일로 그러시죠?” _What business do you have here?_

Haebi is quick to answer with, “우리는 박성화의 친구이고 그를 당장 만나야 필요하세요.” _We’re friends of Park Seonghwa and we need to see him right away._

The security guard’s eyes flicker to Hongjoong, who’s mad-dogging him—but stops when Haebi reaches over to pinch his nipple harshly—before looking at her again. He’s not amused. He blinks once and says, “안돼.” _You can’t._

They both begin to protest, but the man stands up straight and nods at them to leave. It only takes a moment or two for Hongjoong to say, “아 씨발,” _Fuck this,_ and lean over Haebi to flip them off out of the window. “이 씨발놈들아, 우리 당장 들여보내줘!” _You fuckers let us in right now!_

Big Security Guard laughs and rubs the butt of his gun enthusiastically. This only angers Hongjoong, whose elbow is digging into Haebi’s chest, more and he begins to yell at them but she quickly pushes him back into his seat. “시끄러! 우릴 죽이고 싶나? 그리고 아파!” _Shut up! Do you want to get us killed? And ow!_ She reaches out to twist his nipple this time, but he smacks her hand away.

“그들은 우리를 죽이지 않을 것이다.” _They wouldn’t kill us._ He’s glaring at them again and she can almost see the cogs in his mind churning at an alarming rate.

Just as he’s about to say something, a radio transmission crackles and spits from the walkie-talkie on the big one’s belt. It’s quiet, but the static suggests that someone is saying something. The security guard pulls the radio out and says, “뭐예요?” _What was that?_

“박사장은 미쳤어!” _Mr. Park has gone mad!_

The guard’s eyes widened and he just stands there blinking for a second before asking, “어느 것이요—” _Which one—_

“그게 중요한가요?” _Does it matter?_ the other man shouts this, cutting him off. “이리로 와!” _Get over here!_

The Big One turns his head slowly to look at his coworker with doe-eyes. In a movie, the smaller guy would sigh and spring into action—but this isn’t a movie. The smaller guy is just as lost as his big friend and the two of them just stand there for a moment. The Big One takes a step toward the side door built into the gates, then stops as he turns to look at Haebi and Hongjoong in the car. Haebi turns off her engine as she gets the feeling that they’ll be running soon.

The security guards have their own huddle as they’re clearly deciding what to do with them. It doesn’t last long, because another transmission comes in and it’s the guy in the house yelling, “그는 무장했어!” _HE’S ARMED!_

With this, the guards rush toward the house, throwing the gate open so hard that it slams against the wrought-iron so forcefully as to make the entire gate move. Haebi is still sitting in the car trying to process what she’s just seen and heard, but Hongjoong has already exited the vehicle and started running in the direction of the men.

“해비야 따라와!” _Haebi, come on!_

The entire courtyard blurs past her vision and she’s rushing up the steps to the front door before she even realizes that she’s gotten out of the car and begun to run. Hongjoong is behind her, struggling to catch up. She’s not sure how she flat-footed him, but that’s the least of her concerns. Whether it’s Seonghwa or his father that has a weapon, it makes for a very dangerous scene in her head. For some reason, she has a feeling it's Seonghwa.

Hongjoong stops beside her where she’s halted in the hallway. The black-and-white marble floor is accented with flecks of gold and it’s shiny all the way down to where it feeds into the living room. The walls are a sleek white and whatever material it is looks like glass. She’s not looking at any of that, though. She’s focused on the small security guard from earlier standing at the end of the hallway with his gun pointed at something toward the middle of the room that she can’t see. There’s a fur rug just to the left of him.

He tightens his grip on the weapon while shouting, “사장님 내려 놓으세요!” _Put it down, sir!_

She’s too afraid to move closer. She doesn’t know what she’ll see—or maybe she does and that just makes it scarier. Hongjoong seems to be having similar thoughts because he, too, is only standing and staring at the end of the hallway. While she’s imagining just what could be beyond these glass-like walls, Hongjoong begins to walk forward.

“가자,” _Come on,_ he says. His voice has never sounded so shaky or unsure to her before; he’s not someone that’s unsure of the decisions he makes or the words he says. He’s always been a hardass or apathetic. There’s never an in-between with him. Well, until now, that is.

Haebi follows him. It all seems to happen in slow-motion, but life isn’t so kind. There’s nothing slow about the way Seonghwa is pointing a bow-and-arrow, one she knows he has because he was learning it as a sport his whole life, at his father. There’s nothing slow about the disgusted expression on his father’s face or the way his pathetic and wrinkled hands are held up near his head. There’s nothing slow about the five security guards positioned all around the room that are pointing guns at him.

His father sneers, “이 배은망덕한 꼬마녀석” _You ungrateful brat!_

“제가요?” _Am I?_ Seonghwa’s voice is deep and guttural and Haebi knows that this isn’t him. Something has taken over—be it anger, hatred, resentment—and it’s created a situation that could end very badly.

From the corner of the room, a woman says, “아들 그만해!” _Seonghwa stop!_

It’s Dr. Kang, Seonghwa’s mother. Haebi has forgotten about her until just now and the scene before her becomes a lot more complicated. There’s something tragic in the way that Seonghwa’s expression suddenly angers and he grits his teeth. His eyes begin to well with furious tears and his hand pulling the arrow back begins to shake slightly.

“왜 말을 해?! 넌 권리가 없어! 넌 아무 짓도 안 했어!” _Why are you talking?! You have no right! You never did anything!_ He takes in a deep, shaky breath. This seems to help him regain his composure because his eyes are steady and focused on his father again. “넌 그를 막지 않았어.” _You never stopped him._

His mother falls silent, heartbroken.

The Big One lowers his gun for a second. His expression is soft and sad. “성화씨 화났어요. 아버지랑 얘기하게 무기를 내려놔요.” _Seonghwa, you’re upset. Put the weapon down so you can talk this out with your father._

Another one that they hadn’t seen before shoots him a dirty look and shouts, “우리는 주저하지 않고 당신을 쏠 것입니다!” _We won’t hesitate to shoot you!_

A single painful tear rolls down Seonghwa’s cheek. It’s obvious that he’s experiencing inner-turmoil because while his face is straight, he’s shaking. His aim isn’t in one spot anymore. She can’t tell if this is anger, sadness, resentment or otherwise. Even if she could see into his mind, she’s not sure that would give her any answers. There’s no doubt in her mind that Seonghwa is a mess himself—he might not even know what he’s feeling.

“그 사람과는 이야기 할 수 없어요,” _There’s no talking to him,_ he mumbles. It’s pathetic—the way that he’s acting out and demanding attention from his father. There are so many ways he could have drawn this attention to the issues he’s experiencing. He could have left. He could have done many other things and seeing him take this route is so out-of-character for him that it hurts her. She’s known Seonghwa for a long time and if there’s one thing she knows about him, it’s that he’s not this guy. _He’s not this guy._

But then, slowly, he lowers the bow and the arrow goes with it. It’s almost collective, the way everyone sighs in relief together. She can feel the wave crest inside of her as one security guard rushes forward to take his weapon and the others grab him to hold him steady. Haebi’s sure that everything will work out now.

That goes completely out the window when his father grabs the gun of the guard nearest to him and aims at Seonghwa, shooting him without hesitation. She’s frozen as he flinches from the blow, letting out a noise of pain that she’s never quite heard before. His mother is by his side and screaming in the blink of an eye. Mr. Park approaches his wounded son, who has sunken to the ground by now after the security guards let him go in shock.

“야 이 씨발놈아,” _You fucking bastard,_ he spits, shaking the gun at him. “감히 나에게 무기를 겨누다니?” _How dare you point a weapon at me?_

The remaining guards with guns are hesitant in lethal confusion; they don’t know who to shoot at. Seonghwa’s father is still talking to him, but he’s way too caught up in pain to even register anything. A small amount of blood is dripping from his lips and he’s struggling to breathe. His eyes are wide and one hand is covering the wound in his chest. Beside her, Hongjoong is stiff. He’s watching with unblinking eyes and she’s not sure if they’re watering because of that or because of Seonghwa.

It’s almost like a movie, except it’s not one at all. There’s no battle anthem playing in the background. There aren’t any witty remarks that he says back to his father. Seonghwa isn’t okay. He’s on the edge of passing out and there’s blood on the floor and a wound in his chest and it’s real. It’s horrible and real, but she can’t look away.

The guards are still wondering what to do and one of them tells him to put the gun down, but he does no such thing. It’s clear that Mr. Park is a firm enforcer of “I’m the boss around here” mentality. Hongjoong still isn’t moving. But honestly, where does he go? He can’t go to Seonghwa because his mother is already by his side, one hand pressed firmly over the wound. He can’t clock his dad because the corporate bigwig has a gun in his hand. She watches as different thoughts filter through his head. Finally, he pulls out his phone and shakily dials the police.

The next few hours go by in a blur. Lots of people, white walls, waiting and falling asleep. The hospital never ceases to smell like disinfectant and death. There’s not much information on Seonghwa for a while since he’s been in surgery, but soon they hear that it went well and he’s fine. Hongjoong is stressed the entire time—so much that he can’t sleep, which seems to be the only thing he could do without trying before.

Mr. Park covers it up by saying that his son pointed the bow and arrow at him so he shot him in self-defense. Money and power can help sweep a lot under the rug and this is no exception. Haebi doesn’t even care. She just wants Seonghwa to be okay and finally be honest with Hongjoong about his feelings. She knows Hongjoong won’t—he won’t even let her hold his hand in the most platonic way ever while they’re both worried as hell over Seonghwa. He’s very particular about who he opens up to. Even after six years of close friendship, there are things he won’t even tell her.

They have to be honest with each other, though. It’s the only way to balance everything out.

_**A/N: This was absolute trash, so my apologies LOL and sorry for ghosting y'all life is crazy sometimes yayeet skeet teet <3** _


	19. Oars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Seonghwa is in recovery, the people of the Naked Twister group chat + Haebi try to get Hongjoong to stop being such a pussy.

_12:13 PM | Iseul and Haebi's PMs_

_12:32 PM | Naked Twister_

_12:40 PM | Haebi and Hongjoong's PMs_

_12:48 PM | Hongjoong and Seonghwa's PMs_

_**A/N: We're almost at the end! I have a lot more planned for this book in particular, but I can't spoil anything! Anticipate the next book for now ;)** _


	20. A Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cute aftermath of the drama with Seonghwa's dad, and a glimpse into the dream concept that might leave you wondering...

_11:15 AM | Naked Twister_

_12:34 PM | Hongjoong and Seonghwa's PMs_

_6:33 PM | Haebi and Seonghwa's PMs_

_**A/N: Yo we almost done, y'all.... I mean, trust me, this isn't the last you've seen of The Secret, but I can't spoil anything so!!!! For now, the next book in the series is called The Dream. Look out for it! :))))) Thank you to everyone who has read this!!! One chapter left!!! <3333** _


	21. The Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you join us?

Her eyes are sharp and unforgiving while she’s analyzing the floating scene before her. It looks like a bunch of particles to the two men on her left and the woman on her right—but she can see more. If she squints, she can see it all. Five roommates trying to cram into a small studio; a handsome young man boarding an international flight; a couple cradling each other while watching some TV; a different couple play-fighting outside of an amusement park. Everyone looks so happy. She scoffs.

One of her manicured nails taps angrily on the stone arm of her throne, mimicking the harsh rainfall outside. She’s sitting back, slouching, and thinking. The intricate mask covering the upper half of her face doesn’t impair her vision at all, though most would expect it to. Frilly black lace touches her skin though, and she would be lying if she said it’s not irritating. On her left, the shorter of the two men is fidgeting uncomfortably. They both have masks as well, but theirs cover their nose, mouth, and chin. He reaches out with one hand to gesture toward the pixelated orb. Even though he can’t see what it’s showing her, he knows it’s important.

“피괴해야 할까요 여왕님?” _Shall we destroy them, my queen?_ he asks. He sounds much more confident than he is, and it shows in his body language.

The Queen is silent—seething. She exhales heavily and bends her head to the side while letting it rest in one hand. The other is still tapping furiously on the stone. For a moment, her subordinates think that she might be stumped. It’s not common for The Queen to be confused, unsure, or emotional at all. She’s ruthless—a bloodthirsty tyrant that they kneel before in awe and admiration.

Her crimson lips are pursed for a moment, but then she finally speaks. “아니,” _No,_ she mutters. “그들은 그것을 충분히 원하지 않는다.” _They don’t want it enough._

“우리…우리가 그들을 파괴하기 위해서?” _For…for us to destroy them?_ the same man asks, albeit it much more timidly now.

She’s quick to sneer at him. “아니 새끼야.” _No, you idiot._ Her gaze glimmers with something unrecognizable when she utters the word, “Treasure.”

It’s almost frightening—the way she speaks. Her lips are forever deeply red, pristine, and untouched. Nothing about the way she exists says anything about love, but lust is everywhere. Forbidden, forgotten, obtuse lust. She smirks. Something sinister glows from outside and the men turn their heads to see what it is. From miles and miles away, a powerful white light is shining from a cavern in the side of the mountain, cutting through the torrential darkness. Almost as if summoned, it’s panning left and right like a lighthouse. The Queen snaps her fingers, the light vanishes, and they turn their attention back to her.

The man clears his throat once, bending down a bit to ask quietly, “그럼 어떻게하지?” _What should we do, then?_

“나는 그들이 지켜워,” _I’m bored of them,_ she barks, waving her hand at him and almost smacking him in the face. He dodges the blow—just barely—and shuffles closer to the taller man. “다른 현실을 보여워.” _Show me another reality._

The taller of the two men steps forward and moves his hands around the outer-field of the orb, manipulating it with something that nobody can see. It’s gradual, somewhat slow, but a new picture forms. The colors of the floating pixels change rapidly. It’s the same, but it’s different. It’s different in a way only she can see. She leans forward; she’s intrigued.

A girl is folding into herself as she cries in the middle of a parking lot, left behind by a tall man; a lost composer sits in his bed with a laptop, looking frustrated before he suddenly throws the device against the wall, shattering it to pieces; a man that looks more like a trophy is sitting up perfectly straight and expressionless at a long dinner table, surrounded by corporate bigwigs; another young man is pushed up against the side of a building in a dark alleyway, a knife being pressed to his neck; a barista is watching a young family with a melancholy expression that sucks the color from his face; a couple is sitting at the top of a ferris wheel, the girl angrily nagging at the boy beside her, who listens miserably; in a practice room, a man is doubled over and out of breath, hands on his knees as he looks at himself in the mirror with disgust.

“오—이거 흥미롭거나,” _Oh, this is interesting,_ she mumbles. “이것을 보관하다. 바로 그 사람들이다.” _Keep this. They’re the ones._

**_A/N: I'm so emo that this book is over, but the next book is coming soon! Like in a day or two LOL THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! Keep an eye out for the second book called The Dream!!! It will take place in the new reality and go more in-depth with the dreams and the OCs :)) <3333_ **


	22. THE VISION IS HERE!

Hey party people! 

I am SO PLEASED to announce that part two The Secret is here! It's called The Vision and you can find it riiiiiiiight [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482573/chapters/56302570).

Thank you so much to everyone that is in support of this!!!


	23. Sequel!!

Henlo!   
  


It seems like the word isn’t getting out 🤔 but a sequel for The Secret is out! It’s a text au and called The Vision! I’ll link it directly [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482573/chapters/56302570)!

If you like this book and the sequel, tell your friends!! There’s a lot planned for this series!!! 😁😁

Thanks guys! 


	24. Announcement

Henlo!   
  


y’all rly sleeping on The Vision lol.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY STAY SAFE AND WASH YOUR HANDS!!! Also let’s all stay positive during this time because I’m sure that things will get better soon!!! WERE AAAALLLL IN THIIIIIIIIS TOGETHER!!!

but yeah I miss y’alls and I hope you’re doing well 😔🤙 ❤️❤️ Don’t be a stranger come say hi n stuff 🥺🙏


	25. THE SECRET IS BECOMING A COMIC

I AM VERY PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT "THE SECRET" HAS UNDERGONE SOME REBRANDING AND IS BEING MADE INTO AN ORIGINAL COMIC AS PART OF THE **AURORA COMIC** SERIES! Because you guys started this journey with me, you get access to these posters I haven't dropped yet! Even though it doesn't have Ateez anymore, it was still inspired by them and I got the idea for this whole thing while listening to Aurora. Despite Ateez not really being a part of it, I think you guys will come to love the new characters just as much. We're doing some fun challenges over on Instagram @_auroracomics_ and if we get to 50 followers, we'll begin to unveil the new character profiles along with their "photoshoot" best shots! Thank you for supporting this fanfiction and I hope you will also support the upcoming comic!


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